Living Outside the Circle

Reading this post, you may have noticed its title: Living Outside the Circle. It's funny because, in a way, it's a joke that a friend and I have in reference to 'Thinking Outside the Box'. However, for us to truly think outside the box, we feel it is necessary to not even think in terms of boxes and hence 'Outside the Circle'. In order to make any radical change in the world we live in, we have to think critically from a mindset different from that which created the initial problem. I am going to talk about the problems we face as a result of the language we use.

The power of language is truly remarkable. The tone in which we speak and the words we choose to use can change a situation drastically: we can make an inclusive environment or we can threaten the safe space that exists. Tim pointed out in his blog "I'll Make a Man Out of You" that we live in a world defined by gender stereotypes and are defined by specific words. Heaven forbid someone says that you "throw like a girl" because girls... are inherently unable to throw? Why is "you act like a sissy" an insult? The words we consciously, or sometimes unknowingly, use have an impact on the lives of those around us. Similarly, guys often feel the need to "act tough" or perhaps withhold their tears. Why is this so? Tim pointed out very well in his blog that these because we associate certain words and actions with being masculine or feminine, and we do not want to act any differently, it would make us weird. "Men" actively make fun of chick flicks because... I don't even know why. Does it threaten their masculinity? How do such remarks affect those around you, who may enjoy chick flicks? It is time to pay attention to what we say and the impact words have.

The image above was found throughout the University of Waterloo campus not long ago, near the end of the Federation of Students (FEDS) elections. Posters were set up on campus over the face of a female FEDS Vice-President candidate. Although no physical harm was done, its effects resonated throughout campus and threatened the security of several university groups. The Women's Centre and GLOW were closed in order to protect its members and visitors. Other groups had forums to discuss the events that occurred as well.

Although these events did not demonstrate the culturally engrained gender bias/stereotypes in society, the sentiments of hate outline, once again, the power of words. As Cher says in her song If I Could Turn Back Time, "words are like weapons, they wound sometimes." Words can damage an individual's dignity and their sense of self. This fundamental human identity need is a vital part of one's self-worth. To an extent, I think it is more harmful to unconsciously use biased words on a regular basis than to explicitly make your views public once or twice , like the poster defamer did. I am, in no way, trying to make light of the situation on campus but I urge everyone to think critically of what we say. In every day interactions, I personally avoid the use of profane words. I am not sheltered enough to be bothered by the use of swear words yet I consciously worked "What the poo!" into my everyday vocabulary repertoire. The way I see it, such variety provides a bit of comic relief while I avoid making other people uncomfortable. We can make efforts to change the way we live, and live outside the circle:

- Embrace emotions. Cry if you need to, it is a natural part of life.

- Don't come out if you're straight. A mentor of mine consistently says "Me & my partner" despite being in a heterosexual relationship. It simply creates a more inclusive environment and does not portray heterosexism.

- Challenge yourself and engage what is typically feminine or masculine (depending on your gender) and try to like it! It may be cheesy, it may be ridiculous but do not write it off without giving it a chance.

- Be aware of the words you use and what they mean/imply. How does saying "Hey guys" to a group of all girls come off?

Words have power. Yet, I also want to raise an issue with being over-sensitive. It is not uncommon for me to hear my friends having difficulty choosing the right words to describe someone. For me, it is okay to call someone "black" or "oriental" if you are trying to differentiate them from someone else, as a descriptive adjective. Alternatively, if there is a value judgment associated with the statement, that is when the issue becomes sensitive.

In the Dominican Republic, machismo acts as a cultural code of interaction where both men and women see all this behaviour as normal. It will even be harder to be cautious of my words in a different culture when I go abroad. Reading pre-departure material has advised me to find myself a copy of a Spanish Phrase Book. I only hope my inclusive behaviours resonate with others and can be interpreted correctly and respectfully in my experiences.

Please join me in doing so!