Looking back, letting go and looking forward.

Looking back

It is mid-April. Approximately one year ago, I took my last class at the University of Waterloo, wrote my last exam and graduated. I ended up with a Peace & Conflict Studies and French joint honours degree. Being in school, studying for exams and the excitement of being done feels like a long time ago yet I get to re-live it through my friends who will also soon be UWaterloo alumni.

Since then, I fall fallen into a routine. I currently work at a financial services company in Waterloo where I get to utilize the French part of my degree. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I do not like or want to fall into a routine; I want to be continue to be challenged and to find joy in what I do. In having graduated one year ago, I get the unique opportunity to (re-)evaluate my life. What I can end up doing with my life is no longer a huge mystery. I'm good at what I do now and I could see myself working at the company for the rest of my life. Alternatively, I could go back to school and re-align my priorities. The decision between the two is where I am struggling today. What does it mean to love what you do? Do people actually love what they do, or is it a state of mind?

Do doctors who work their whole life into getting their degrees and certifications /love/ practise medicine? Or have they finally lived their goal and also just life out a routine?

Looking back at the last 4 years of my life, the best moments I've had were those working with others. I think I can truly say I loved being a student, being a part of my residence community and engaging with like minded-people. I loved waking up every morning when I lived in Rivière-du-Loup and Cabrera, enjoying the people and the cultures around me. Life was so simple; I had something to do every day but I looked forward to it. The jobs I did there energized me for different reasons. Yet I do not find the same joys in my current life. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the people I surround myself with but I feel like I am not "just getting by." I do not have any immediate life goals; I am not working towards anything... I go to work to fill my days and I live from day to day.

Despite how I feel about my current status, I am presented with the opportunity to go back to school yet I am not sure if that is what I want to do. I can live worry-free and work towards a second degree for another year but what happens after that? Does getting the extra degree mean I took a step towards doing what I love to do? I don't know. It would open up a lot more doors for sure...

Letting go and looking forward
It's funny where writing this blog has brought me. When I first started writing, I did not know where it would lead me or what questions I would explore. However, I know I wanted to write about letting go of the past because it's something that I can't necessarily re-capture.

When I was in school, I looked forward to opportunities. I knew I wanted to do Explore and I knew I wanted to volunteer abroad like I did in the Dominican Republic.

When I look at life now, I know some relationships are lost yet I find myself thinking back about them pretty regularly.

While I think it is good to look back to learn from our successes and failed relationships, there is a point at which we need to let go. It's silly to think about being jealous of yourself but I think I may be at that point in my life. I find myself wanting to re-do some of the things I do and wishing I can hit "redo" on some things in my life. But I know that is not possible so at this point, I hope to make a couple of resolutions... a few goals if you will.

Here are some of my goals and I hope in writing them down, I can keep myself accountable:
a) Finish my G by July
b) Learn German
c) Apply for a volunteer position -- Tutoring Beyond Borders
d) Find time for me and work on me.