Living With(out) Privilege

This week, I started my local volunteer placement with The Working Centre in Kitchener, ON.

Early Saturday morning, I woke up to shower, to grab a quick bite to eat and to head off to my volunteer placement. My shift was from 12:00 - 3:00 pm, and Google Maps told me I was going to arrive about 15 minutes early. I was in no real rush, and took my time to walk to the bus stop to catch the 7A to head to downtown Kitchener. However, as I approached the bus stop, it struck me as curious that the 7 did not, in fact, stop at the bus stop I was at. I started to freak out and tell myself I was going to be late, start off on the wrong foot and everything was going to go downhill from there. There was not much time to react as the bus was scheduled to arrive at the stop at 11:18 and it was already 11:13! Fortunately, I was able to take out my phone and search Google Maps and zoom into the bus stop I was supposed to be at. I quickly ran to the stop on Ring Road and caught my bus.

It was about 11:50 when I actually arrived at Worth A Second Look (WASL), a used home-furniture and decor store opened by The Working Centre to provide items for household living for an affordable price. Being there early, I felt good about myself, and I headed to the counter to find my volunteer coordinator. Having read Tim's blog, I was expecting to be greeted, get a name tag and be put to work. Tim, another Beyond Borders student, is also volunteering at WASL and had a great first experience working the store front and it sounded like he was able to interact effectively with his volunteer coordinator. My experience was not quite the same.

When I got there, I talked to the volunteer behind the counter to see if my contact person was available to see me. Quickly, I was asked if I had filled out the appropriate paper work to volunteer. I had no idea what he was talking about and continued to explain that I was a University of Waterloo Student part of the Beyond Borders program, hoping to volunteer on a regular basis. Shortly after, the volunteer coordinator came out and greeted me. She did not seem to know I was coming and did not know what to get me to do. I remember quite vividly, she told me to "Look around the store." Perhaps it was to get me to familiarize myself with the environment but it was probably the most awkward 10 minutes of my life. It felt like an eternity and I felt uncomfortable. I walked around, expecting to be put to work, perhaps get a name tag like Tim did and interact with other volunteers and customers. This did not happen, the coordinator soon came to find me and went on a search to find me something to do. She also asked me to leave my jacket in the cupboard by the cash register in the front.

We then headed to the back of the warehouse area and she showed me the coffee/snack room. I felt that my being there wasn't necessary, or to some extent, it created more work for the coordinator. She eventually asked me to sweep the floors of the break room and of the whole back warehouse area. Although it was a "joe job", I was fine with that. Anything I could do to help, I was familiar with cleaning; some of you may know that I worked at a Bed & Breakfast in Quebec this past summer doing all of the cleaning. Cleaning was nothing new and I found peace in doing it too. As much as I could, I tried to interact with the other volunteers, learning their names and asking about their involvement and their experience with WASL. They were all very friendly and seem to connect with me as a person. I couldn't help but notice, however, that everyone was wearing a name tag -- a name tag that Tim mentioned getting soon after his arrival. Additionally, there was a coat rack in the break room where all the other volunteers hung their jackets. I thought about this for a bit while I was sweeping. What did this mean? Why was I not offered a name tag and why was my jacket placed separately from everyone else's? I then continued to feel uncomfortable but kept on doing what I was asked -- I was expecting to be uncomfortable but I was also expecting to be treated like everyone else. I was hoping to work in a relationship of reciprocity where I learned from others and they learned from me. Thus, I was a bit shocked that I was differentiated from the rest of the volunteers.

After about an hour of sweeping, the volunteer coordinator asked if I wanted to work in the "dungeon". I was happy to do whatever they needed me to do, so I enthusiastically said "Yes!" I was left in charge of myself and another volunteer, who is now in grade 8, to clear out a section and move crates upon crates of plates and to organize the room. I ended up doing this task for the last 2 hours I was there. I did have 3 observations from this period though.

First, I was asked to work with the other volunteer but I was not sure what my "status" was. At times, he would fool around and play with some of the toys in the room. Other times, he would pass me things we were cleaning one at a time when they were in a box. However, I held back in asking my co-worker to stop fooling around but I did sometimes ask to do things more efficiently when he was working. I ended up doing most of the work myself and that was okay. I was fine with it. It was just odd in that I did not know what my relationship was with him and if I should have told him to stop fooling around. 

Second, I knew my coordinator did not forget about me! Shortly after my friend left and I was working in the dungeon by myself, two other volunteers came in to help me. This made me feel better as I knew my work was important and needed to be done but also to be remembered for the work I was doing. Shortly after explaining what I was doing and what I was asked to do, the older volunteer started to take control and "boss" us around. He wasn't rude but he took control of the situation and ordered us to do things his way. This was fine for me. I was not expecting to take the lead, it was my first day.

Third and finally, at about 3:05 pm when we just finished moving all the crates, the volunteer coordinator came into the dungeon to check on us. Oddly, she was somewhat shocked that I "stuck in there" and did not leave yet. I still don't know what to think of this.

I noted to her that I needed to go and that I would be back next week, and every week after that (except for reading week; I'm going to Mississippi to work with Mennonite Disaster Service to rebuild homes affected by hurricane Katrina!). I said my goodbyes, and was then told about the volunteer book to log my hours and headed home.

So, as you can see my first day at WASL was a bit different from that of Tim's. It sounded like he had such a friendly and positive experience that it was a bit weird when my expectations weren't met.

I was scared to be late when I thought I would miss the bus. Little did I know, my volunteer coordinator didn't really even know that I was going to be there and also did not have anything concrete for me to do in the first bit. But this was a learning experience that I will treasure and reflect upon as I continue to go back to WASL. I am not going to go in with the mindset of trying to "help them". This first week experience really brought me down to earth. To go into a situation and really drop all status we hold and to interact as equals is something I will need to work on. I did not go into the situation expecting special treatment, nor was I thinking that I was better than everyone else but it was somewhat hard to feel like I wasn't worth a name tag. It's silly but really challenges me to think about my placement. What is my relationship with others during my stay and am I allowed to exercise authority over someone (like my volunteer friend in gr. 8)? Would it have been okay to be as forceful as the older volunteer who took control of the situation after he came? This experience reminds me of a passage we read last term, in chapter 2 of The Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire. In critique to traditional top-down education systems he calls the "banking system", he notes that: 

"One cannot impose oneself, nor even merely co-exist with one's students. Solidarity requires true communication, and the concept by which such an educator is guided by fears and proscribes communication." 

Instead, he promotes "problem-posing" education which seeks to create solidarity between the teacher and the learner. I think in this approach, like with the concept of reciprocity as mentioned by Kenneth Westhues as mentioned in one of my earlier posts, communication is key. I think we could have worked just as efficiently without having to be forceful when it was me and the other two volunteers. But what about the situation where I was with my gr. 8 friend? I think that we must work with others; to have power with and not power over them. But is there a time when this is necessary?

My first week volunteer was challenging uncomfortable. I was expecting to be part of a team. Instead, I was set aside and did not interact with any customers at all. But someone has to do the behind-the-scenes work. I need to drop my expectations and stop living with privilege; not everything is handed to me on a silver platter and as Nicole noted in her post, we need to stop taking things for granted. Like she learned to not take food for granted, I must learn to not take my relationships with others for granted and expect to be treated in a certain way.

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with Joanne to talk about my placement. I'm super excited about this and I hope to blog about this next week!

For more information about Worth a Second Look, take a look at: http://www.theworkingcentre.org/ct/wasl/wasl.html

Living Unexpectedly

Life is not always a perfect series of events. In fact, life is full of unexpected twists and turns and we must be prepared for that. I guess, in a sense, that the Beyond Borders program tries to prepare me for that in challenging me to live uncomfortably and to live intentionally. But despite the copious amounts of preparation through readings, volunteer placements and alumni presentations, the smallest things in life remind us of the fragility of life and how we will be challenged once abroad in our new homes, in May.

This past Wednesday, I was hit with a fever that caught me off guard. I was bed-ridden for 3 days and felt groggy for the next two -- only today am I feeling better. For the first few days, aside from attending classes, I was almost exclusively in bed. I felt like a koala bear, having slept for probably 40 of 48 hours in the initials stages of my sickness. As a result, I did not start my volunteer placement this week at Worth A Second Look as I felt that I would have been unable to give my all to the placement.

I fully intend to start next week and make a committed effort to get to know and engage the work environment.

But this committed engagement is something that we, as North Americans, often fail to achieve. Having grown up in an individualistic culture, there is a tendency to "not want to bother others". Thus, life becomes a monotonous series of scripted behaviours. Think back to the last time you asked or were asked "How are you doing?" Now think about the response you get. Chances are, the answer was "Fine." But what does that really mean? Alternatively, if I were to answer something differently, does the person who asked the question really care about how I was doing, or were they simply asking as a part of the conventional method of interaction?

One thing that has stuck with me since 2007 is asking the question "What's your story?" Each person has a story and we can learn a lot more about a person in their stories. So here's a story about a challenge I had for the Christmas break.

In the season of giving, the Beyond Borders group was challenged to do a "Random Act of Kindness". That is, to do something nice for someone without necessarily having them know and to do it randomly. What did I do? Well, I went to Starbucks, ordered myself a drink and then gave the barista an additionally $20 and asked her to use it to pay for someone else's drink afterwards. However, I wanted it to be used on people who were only ordering one drink (so it could be used on multiple people) and for it to not be used all in a row. I also asked the baristas to keep it confidential.  And so, I sat and "read a book". In reality, I sat and watched to see what the person's reaction. Surprise and gratitude was the general reaction. I managed to get see Starbucks get 3 different people drinks. But even more surprisingly for me, two of the three people that got drinks from me, in fact paid the amount their drinks would have costed towards the next person's drink. In the end, only 3 people actually get a "free" drink but the meaning behind it is so much more. The gratitude that was expressed was heartwarming and showed the power of the unexpected. So do something unexpected, be spontaneous.

There are certain things in life that make you stop and think why did it happen to me? Whether it's sickness that prevents you from doing something or getting a free drink, we sometimes think: "why me?" But more often than not, we think "Why me?" as a response to sickness, to a negative event. In contrast, when we get something good, like a free drink, we might say "Thanks!", forgot about it or think about how lucky we are. This tendency to worry about oneself only in the presence of negative events is too common. I think it is important to think about what we do and how we got somewhere in every step of our lives. In doing so, it becomes easier to relate to others and also deters us from taking life for granted. Life is full of challenges and obstacles and they do not occur uniquely to you. I felt bad for myself being sick but it does not and did not give me an excuse to be a bad person.

So no matter what life throws in your way, remember that other people may be having challenging time in their life as well. Be unexpected and change the social script. Live intentionally and make an effort to get to know them. Live unexpectedly and embrace the unexpected. Sometimes, it's the unexpected that help us appreciate what is expected.

That is my hope. Let my Dominican Republic show me life in a new way.

Oh, ya. I'm going to the Dominican Republic in May! Just a little teaser, I'll talk more about my placement in another week!

Living with Meaning

About a year ago, I decided to embark on a crazy adventure. I decided to apply to become a Beyond Borders student for the 2010-2011 school year. Turns out, it was one of the best decisions of my life. Originally, Beyond Borders was a means to fulfill a field studies and an opportunity to travel abroad and volunteer, a dream I've always had. But over the last 5 months since being in the program, it has developed into so much more. I knew I had to take two courses in preparation for my adventure to come but in no way did I imagine it as challenging and thought-provoking as they have turned out to be. We learned from different authors describing their life experiences of struggle, their attempts to create community and different styles of pedagogy and leadership. These were eye-opening but also created a challenge for me, a challenge to live life intentionally and with meaning. Living in community is one aspect of doing so and I think we've got it right, at least for now. Our class of 14 Beyond Borders students has grown exceptionally close, through great discussion, class outings and seeing the fruits of our labour in wonderful fundraising events. But as a new term begins, so do new challenges as new insights are brought into my awareness.

On the first Thursday night class I had this term, I was immediately struck with a challenge. Maybe it was because our professor told us we would be thinking about it over the next bit but I can't help to notice that I am thinking about it a lot. In my Community Conflict Resolution class (PACS313), our professor showed us a TED Talk by Brené Brown. The basis of her talk was to describe how to live a meaning of worthiness as she has 'discovered' through some research. But what struck me was not necessarily the topic of the talk, but the insights that she drew. She argued, worthiness comes from a sense of love and belonging. Those who are strong, feel they are worthy and have a sense of courage. But this courage is not courage in the traditional sense where we fight battles and jump off buildings. This courage is the courage to be imperfect. She argued, for true happiness to be achieved, we must embrace our imperfection and make ourselves vulnerable. We often try to "numb vulnerability" but this cannot be done without numbing other emotions. So we need to let go of the person who we think we should be, and be the person that we are. More importantly, we shouldn't project our values onto others too and embrace imperfection in all aspects of life. Embrace the uncomfortable, the vulnerability of not being perfect and "be".

While that TED Talk was replaying in my mind over and over again, my class met at The Working Centre in Kitchener for our first class this past week. We were given a tour of the facilities as we were going to start our local volunteer placements there in the next little while. The Working Centre and its services were buzzing with life. A little project here and there but what was most inspiring was the connections that were being made between individuals. I think this was the concept of reciprocity talked about by Kenneth Westhues in one of our readings this week. To live like a dance, to share power and work together to achieve a goal. I was more than excited to start volunteering at what I had originally thought were my safest bets: St. John's Kitchen as it is similar to work I've done with Ray of Hope, or Speak English Cafe on Thursday nights as I'd merely be speaking English. But fortunately, our host gave us a challenge. To find a placement that will make us uncomfortable. And when it becomes comfortable, shake it up and break the routine.

But why did I tell these two stories? What does it mean to me and living with meaning?

To me, these two snippets of my life are interrelated. To live by being vulnerable and to be okay with being imperfect means I am putting my pride aside and to put all external measures aside. I believe it is only in this way, that we can live out Westhues' version of reciprocity. If we go into volunteer work, a group project or any other aspect of life thinking "I am going to help them", then we are working through a contractual top-down approach. We should, contrarily, forget where we come from and see value in each person and view each person as a person. This is, as I see it, the way to live our reciprocity and to "become human" as Jean Vanier would describe. So join me in this challenge and relate to people as people this week. Start a conversation with the cashier at your grocery store, they are a person of value as well. Meet someone new. Break the barriers of us-them. Join me and live your life with meaning this week.

I invite you all to reply and post comments on how living with meaning has changed your mindset or just experiences you have had, the good, the funny and perhaps the not so nice.

Here is a link to Brené Brown's TED Talk if you are interested!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

Here is a link to Kenneth Westhues' article on reciprocity

http://www.theworkingcentre.org/wscd/gwn/article1/article1.html

-------------------

This week, I will hopefully find out about two things! Our volunteer placements will be finalized at The Working Centre and it's possible that our placements abroad have been finalized too! Stay tuned!

Beyond Borders!

Hi all,

This is a blog I'm starting to keep my thoughts, ideas and questions in mind. As some of you may know, I am currently enrolled in the Beyond Borders program at St. Jerome's University as a part of the University of Waterloo. This summer, I hope to volunteer for three months in either Kenya, Uganda, Ukraine, the Dominican Republic or India. I will also be volunteering locally with The Working Centre in Kitchener, ON for the coming term. Please follow if you're interested in my travels. I will post my reflections on how the term is going, updates on my placement, Beyond Borders fundraising initiatives and information about my future host country!